The following was written by an acquaintance of mine and posted to a Yahoo! message board. It is used with his permission.

Saw an article on domestic violence that prompted me
to think about red flags.
Most of us have seen them, sometimes too late.
So here is a list of various warning signs i can think
of and I would appreciate input on ones I missed or if
you disagree with any of these.

1) Inconsistencies.
If you lie then over time even the best of them tend
to trip themselves up. Often many will lie about
marital status or experience.

2) Efforts to Isolate you from friends
By keeping you from your friends this person
establishes a greater dependency. Also no one is left
to help you see what's going on.

3) Mood Swings
Doms have to be in control of themselves and if they
cant control their temper or reactions there a lot of
trouble.

4) Nothing is his/her fault or The Eternal Victim
Both Dom and sub who always seem to have problems but
its always someone else's fault.
Shit happens to us all, but sometimes we made the
problem and people who don't realize it can suck you
in.

5) One True Way/True Dominant or Sub
There are many variations and no one way is right for
everyone. People who try to force everyone to fit
their preconceptions or dismiss all those that
disagree are not likely to see you for yourself.

6) Tearing people down to make themselves look better.
These people are often insecure and try to feel better
or at least look better by knocking people down.
Problem is they wont likely be good for your health
and self esteem. All the good you do will be because
of them and everything you do wrong will be your
fault.

7) All Negative reinforcement
It is important to build a sub not just break one and
Doms who just tear down aren't normal or typically good
for you.

8) No one knows about them, no references and don't
belong to any groups.
Burnout is common, especially from those who do a lot
of volunteer work or serve on boards. Politics and
frustration at dealing with certain kinds of people
can and do burnout many people.
So not being currently active is not a bad thing, what
I'm talking about is the person who claims years of
experience yet no one you can talk to knows them or can
give a positive reference.
Oh and odds are if they have done anything worthwhile
they pissed a few people off so try to get several
references and consider it all carefully.

9) Pushes hard and fast.
This guy makes lots of demands on your time. Sounds
flattering but watch out because it can have a dark
side and indicate many hidden things.
Especially worry if the person doesn't take it well
when you aren't available every waking moment.
 

 

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Last modified: April 06, 2008